Prepare for Judgment Day! Saturday, May 21, 2011
As Pastor of the Church of Perpetual Indulgence, I’ll be holding a service at The Bar tomorrow during Happy Hour! The Last Happy Hour on Earth!
But today, I would advise you load up on all the ammunition you can get your hands on. I expect runs on the supplies at Walmart and Academy in preparation of Satan’s Hoard pouring out of the Gates of Hell, to supplement all the Obama supporters as they assault your homes and places of business.
But at The Bar tomorrow, I’ll be taking reservations for the Church’s holy catacomb, a secret place where only those few who make prepaid reservations will be given access. It’s a very secure location in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a moat of holy water. Reservations start at $1,000 cash. Sorry, no refunds.
Later, after Happy Hour at The Bar, we’ll be speaking in tongues!
P.S. Don't forget The End of the World, Oct. 21, 2011. Reservations will be accepted in advance only, for those who expect to survive Judgment Day, for a trip to the Church's holy mountain. Be closer to the Creator when the end comes. Reservations start at $2,500. Pack your own lunch!